My iBook G4 was stolen a few months ago. I didn't write about it because I was going thru the bereavement process. Yes, it's more than a fancy gadget to me. It's a gift from my mother with promises of achievement and success in life. It's a habit for me to view it and work it every day since the last 5 years. My entire college life revolves around. My artworks and creativity that filled it. Videos and pictures for the keeps. All records of my teenage youth. My dreams and goals in the works.
Gone. All because I work in a company that did not provide the relevant facilities for me to complete my assignments. So I've to produce the facilities and my skills in order to complete those tasks. And I thought it was worth the risks of it being stolen (it's a retail environment; crowds rush in and out).
Gone. The bereavement process will never be over. I terribly embarrassed my friend who gotten me this job, who is my superior too with an emotional action: I resigned from this job. It was entirely emotional. But the underlying basis to the emotional action is logical. I can no longer work in a post that which had bereaved me my memories and dreams. What is Man without dreams, but another animal?
This store I work in painted white, filled with tools and necessities of artistry and creativity, has suddenly become ... sad. I scorn this place. Not at the persons, except the thief. But the place. Most of all, I believe, I'm utterly angry at myself. Self-anger towards my initial conclusion that the risk of theft was absolutely acceptable in return for completed tasks. And you know what I think? Self-anger is very much the last stages of the bereavement process.
I am confounded by this entire experience. The bereavement. The reactions. The emotions. The clarity of logic by which I observed the process in me. I'm utterly confounded.
I'm jobless once by 9/11. Talk about drama. I'm required to stay for another 3 months upon resignation, so that's that. Any help, you readers out there, is appreciated. But I guess you wouldn't want to forward an emotional wreck as help to another friend of yours. So be it.
Till then.
