I Am Guilty

I am guilty–of having habits.

Habits are what everyone has, you may say. But these are things I'm certainly I'm unhappy with. Lemme list my wrongdoings for you.

I'm notorious for being emotional. Jumping to conclusions. Being an assuming asshole. Wanting something from my boyfriend without stating a request–or having expectations on him, which is absolutely unrightful. I've not been examplary so I shouldn't be expecting him to be so too. Expecting my friends to be a friend, even though I've not been a very good friend. Not being a little generous when it was due. Being lazy. Haha!

I am an artist. And I expect myself to be different from the masses. If I am to be unique, strange and non-mainstream, I should start with my habits. I swear to kill these habits. Oh, people say these habits are hallmarks of being a human. Having a shared habit is human. No! I will strive to fulfill my vision of a perfect person.

If there is any piece of artwork I want to realize, I will myself be my greatest masterpiece. Why not? There is nothing good in being expectful, assumptive, emotional and unkind. Selfishness makes an ugly painting. No, I'm unhappy with even a hint of selfishness. It's really ugly.

Evil is news. Sadness is cool. Melancholia is culture. Woe is everybody. Everyone is happy being unhappy. And we complain about so much unhappiness when we ask for these things. I am not complaining. I am admitting. And I'm very angry to be unhappy. And I will act on it. This is my first action–writing this very blog entry. Swearing an oath.

Here are the things I wish I could say:

I wake up grateful for a new day. I wear a smile in my face. I am polite. I am generous. I am kind. I am compassionate. I am empathic. I am punctual. I am thoughtful. I am caring. I am happy. I am careful. I am sensitive. I am helpful. I am friendly. I am happy everyday. I am generous with compliments and praises. I compliment every good point of every person I meet. I am centred. I am disciplined. I am good at what I do. I draw everyday. I meditate everyday. I clean the house everyday. I care for my pets everyday. I care for my husband everyday. I make sure everyone around me is comfortable, soothed and content. I always have room and bed ready for friends and guests. I am prepared, centred and provided spiritually to meet all realities of life. I am happy with myself. I love myself. I am my own joy. I feel good every breathing moment so that the people around me feel better at ease. I am selfless.