Jazz Out

I wanted to post something but I just
couldn't find what to say.
I'm bored. I'm sleepless.
Time flies. Dumbly staring into the computer.

Maybe I just wanted the attention.
Maybe I need to attend a class
on flower-arrangement or yoga.
But I do have a lot to do in my hands
and head. I've got worlds to create,
art commissions to complete,
books to read, things to draw,
past assignments that needed refinement.

But I just don't feel like doing anything.
Not even sleep at this unholiest hour
of the night. I'm simply stupefied.
Listening to jazz over the internet radio.
Nice songs they play. Simply love it.

Well, good night everyone.
This gay man is OUT.

='.'=
GT

Smile, Please

A baby born crying
Relatives cheered

A man died smiling
Relatives mourned

An angel smiles
The mob curses

A demon smiles
The mob goes high

A kitten drowned
A boy looked

A soldier falls
An enemy rejoices

A lamb stewed
An ewe alone

A girl counts to 10
A boy counts to none

A man eating
A woman starving

Someone homeless
Someone climbs mountains

A singer sings
A beggar begs

I see and hear
My friend blind and deaf

My friend walks
Another on wheels

I once heard,
"Fear God,"

I also heard,
"Love God,"

='.'=
GT

The Problem with Homosexuality

The problem is the existence of homosexuality is viewed as a threat to the institution of the Family. Politicians in the West & theocrats in the East are using this very reason to condemn homosexuality. Because the Family is the basic unit that made up the foundations of the State and the Church. Without a proper order, and consistent definition of family, the conventions of the State and the Church simply cannot hold themselves together. Thus, a complete collapse of civilizations. I think there is a manner of truth in what these liars are saying (speaking as a gay man here) because civilizations, the State and the Church exist only until today because of the constant nature of a reproductive family of which in turn holds to the ideals and disciplines of the State and the Church. A co-dependent system of survival of belief systems.

This is an analysis of humanity's collective psychology, you see. What is stated above is neither bad nor good, but it is just a way of survival for an age-old belief system that simply cannot include everybody in the Universe. This belief is even reflected in the belief of a God that excludes, thus a Hell, where all those excluded from the family of God shall be dumped into. This is the only logical explanation to justify the existence of different people to the so-called normal people. That is so that members of God's family could be differentiated like white against black. Greys are not viewed as a color of its own. Grey is white stained with black, that needed a strong detergent for cleaning. Cleaning is a must, or Hell to you all!

Of course, this is a false God. God is the one, who inlcudes all and loves all and blesses all of his creation for all is a product of his creativity. How can one create all only to have all segregated into units to be scrutinized and discerned? A man of reasonable mind with a complete sense of conscience must know that how he feels is also how others would feel. Ain't we all made in the image and likeness of God? We are ourselves the testimony and evidence of God.

What we need is a new definition of Family, and that is the Cosmic Family. A family that includes all, even all the diversity of the human race, and that we truly love each other as family members ought to love one another. With this belief intact, automatically, God would be the one who truly includes all and blesses all for the Truth is God and humanity are a reflection of one another. No one in particular is the object of reflection for we reflect each other. God and humanity. Evidence of this can be found in the Old Testament, a time when God is said to favor only His Chosen People, and fought and killed all else. Even with Jesus's revelations of a God that includes all, we still practice, in State & Church, the same mentality of Roman Imperialism, which is now renamed as the modern way of life, or the only way of life.

'Live like us, or live a lesser being.' Everybody wants to be a citizen of Rome. Nobody likes to be a provincial. Today, every Asian wants to be American, or one belongs to the Third World. What are we supposed to do? Even our T's and jeans and KFC chicken are innovations of America. Both Democrats and Republicans are guilty of condemning homosexuality within the states of America. America has only islands, reserves, sanctuaries for homosexuals to gather, herded in a place like cows so that enterprises could milk their sense of fasion and style, and make billions out of it. The gay couple is the money churner of today. With no children to support, two working males, usually highly educated and highly paid & qualified, the gay couple is the ideal target market for enterprises to sell their products. That is all. America is not a complete liberal haven, but a commercial haven.

(='.'=)
GT

Pati

Is there a place for such a thing as ghastly as a werefeline? It cannot be so for this thing must, and I exert must, only exist in the active imagination of psychotic patients. Patients are what those people who think themselves as werefelines. Patient comes from the Latin word 'pati' of which means suffer. And it makes one wonder that the word passion comes from the same Latin root 'pati'. So it would make us all 'patients' as we all live life with such intimate passion. We suffer, that's what we do with life most of the time. We suffer, endlessly. For I think, that is what life is all about. Being so intimately passionate with everything that is life, we suffer our own passions of life.

(='.'=)
GT

Summer Fields

White tulips bloom across a paved road
Golden rays shone into my glad face
White ship with white sails and winged prow
I made my crossing over the sea of sorrow
Great meadow in a dispersion of green and gold
We dance around the May-pole
For we sang too with the young and old

Sweet dreams can be true
Your gentle touch and sugar kiss make my day
For then I twirl and the cherubs play their harps
And I was immersed in warm cotton and soft wool

Diligent farmers till the land
For us the Horned One and the Many-breasted
Are the King and Queen of Life & Death
And the Sky the Father, the Earth the Mother
For it is so our filial piety is required

(='.'=)
GT

Altar

I don't believe in worship. I believe in sincerity. I believe in love. As we would love the things we made with our own hands, the Divine would love too. And I appreciate the Divine giving me this ability to feel as the Divine feels. My feelings towards the Divine is more of a friendship, a partnership, a loving relationship, rather than worship.

That is why I don't agree with altars. Material altar is the epitome of worship. Worship denotes fear of power. A place of worship is a huge fear generator. I always feel staggered and intimidated in any place of worship. It's just so fearsome. I could be claustrophobic, anyhow, cause I often has this suffocating experience and headache whenever I'm in a big crowd.

(='.'=)
GT

Sadness Is In the Air

Sadness is in the air. Everyone I know seems to be in this sadistic mood it seems. Even I feel it too. 1 billion Catholics are mourning for the passing of the Pope John Paul II. Guess it would effect the global consciousness, as we are all apart of it.

(='.'=)
GT

Homo Homo

Michelle: Kel', what do you think of men?
Kelly: Men are dogs, that's what they are.
Michelle: What about gay men?
Kelly: Bitches.
Michelle: Why do you say that? I know lots of gay men, and they are kinda sweet people to be friends with.
Kelly: When you have a gay man for an ex, you'll know what I mean. I think calling them bitches is too mild for an insult.
Michelle: You've had a ... gay boyfriend? Anyhow, you ought to empathize with your ex's predicament. It's not his fault that he had to ...
Kelly: Yeah, yeah, blame it on peer pressure, family forcing, et cetera, et cetera. If that bitch has the guts to fuck with guys, why can't he has the guts to tell the world of who he IS?! Instead of all those lying and hiding ... which brings nothing but ... misery.
Michelle: Oh, dear. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up. I'm sorry ...
Kelly: No. It's not your fault. Sooner or later, I have to get it out. Well, thank you for listening.
Michelle: How did you know he's gay?
Kelly: Intuition.
Michelle: But what made you so sure?
Kelly: I sorta like ... peeked into his SMS inbox ... and his computer files. You know what they keep in there.
Michelle: I see. So you confronted him with that?
Kelly: He denied it, even when I slapped all those things into his face. His wardrobe, his friends, his habits and behaviours ... worst of all, his sex messages!
Michelle: Calm down, Kel'.
Kelly: These gay men are weird! They are not men. We should just classify them as another species, and tag them the moment they are born. Yeah, that would make all our lives so much easier. I got a Latin name for them: Homo ... Homo! They are just fuck weird. As if there are no better holes to fuck!
Michelle: Shh ... calm down, dear. Calm down. You cannot just because of that one man blame the whole group of people. This person is bad but not all those who are like him are exactly LIKE him. Clear your mind. Get a day off or go for a vacation. If you need company, I'm always there for you.
Kelly: Thanks, 'Chelle. And, thanks for sleeping over. When was the last time we had a sleep-over?
Michelle: 6 years ago. When we were still classmates. We had so much fun together those days. I wonder how Julie's doing. She was the quietest one in the class.
Kelly: I lost touch with Julie. She was rather tomboyish, I remembered. Always keeping her hair short and hated dressing up. Prefering pants and ... Hey, do you think she is gay, too?
Michelle: ... I dunno.
Kelly: Yeah, I remember now. She always had her eyes on you. You were the prettiest one amongst us. And now, look at you ...
Michelle: Hey! Hands off my thigh! It's part of being a mother, okey?
Kelly: *giggles* Well, I'm glad for you.
Michelle: Thanks. *smiles*
Kelly: Say, do you want a kiss?
Michelle: Come again?
Kelly: I always wonder how it feels to be a lesbian. You know, the french way with another woman ... *gurgles* ... What the ...?
Michelle: You said you wanted to know how it feels to be a lesbian. So how does it feels?
Kelly: Umm ... Weird ... and kinda exciting, too.
Michelle: You want another one?
Kelly: 'Chelle, were Julie and you an item?
Michelle: ... Yes.
Kelly: Why didn't you tell me?!
Michelle: 'Coz I thought that would freak you out as you ARE now!
Kelly: What about Julius, does he know?
Michelle: No, he doesn't. It's not important for him to know. I've turned straight, and I've got married. The thing I had with Julie is the past now. Please, don't tell him!
Kelly: And your husband's name is Juli ... JulieUS.
Michelle: Please, don't get angry for not telling you this earlier. Please ...
Kelly: Well, I thought I was your best friend.
Michelle: *sobs* Please, I'm sorry.
Kelly: You had a crush on me ...
Michelle: How did you know?!
Kelly: Intuition.
Michelle: Yes, I ... like you. I broke up with Julie because of you. I left KL because of you. I got married because of you. I did all these because of you, and I was trying to forget you. Because I know we are impossible to be together! I love you, Kelly!
Kelly: Get out of my house!
Michelle: I'm sorry, Kel'. I shouldn't have ...
Kelly: I need to be alone. Please, get out of my house.
Michelle: I'm sorry ...
Kelly: I thought you were my best friend! All these years ... all those things you did for me, you had those dirty intentions in your head. All these years!

kit crab

cat cat kitty cat
went down to the beach
to catch crabby crab

cat cat kitty cat
caught a nasty crab
and ate it up yum!

cat cat kitty cat
kitty cat purr purr
tummy full sweet dream

(='.'=)
GT

carbonated

i a need of thirst
my blood rushes into the deeps
of nothingness
head in heaven
heart in life
soul in cosmic blurness

i have no compass
no wickedness enough
to compell the dog star
to drink coca-cola
what is pepsi-cola
silly ashoka

Unconditional Love

Unconditional Love exists when (according to N.D. Walsch "Friendship with God") the things below are not present:

1. Need
2. Expectation
3. Doubt

He (or God) had reasoned that when you love some one for the sake of something in return e.g. loyalty, fidelity, money, etc. then that is not unconditional love.

Expectation comes from need. When you expect some one to act as a person should to your love, then that is not unconditional love. It is only without expectation, one could love another as he/she is.

Doubt is judgment, deriving its standards of justice from one's needs/expectations. When you doubt whether another would act accordingly to your loving, then that is not unconditional love.

Unconditional love is simply without conditions! Conditions and standards are only good for commerce. Love is not a transaction where you give and you shall receive. I personally do not think it's like that. The joy of love comes only from the process of giving. Taking or receiving should be treated as a pleasant side effect, not as the ultimate reason. That would be greed.

You know, to hog a person's presence at your sight all the time is called greed. When a person's freedom is denied, anger arises for the soul essentially desires freedom.

Joy is love. Love is Freedom. Freedom is joy. That is why to love is to let go. It means to allow another the freedom to exercise it's fullest choice. And not effecting another's decisions in whatever way. This is God. God is Unconditional Love. Because the Divine loves us all so much, there is simply no restraint for us. God allows us all the choices we can possibly make. God is the Perfect Parent. Hence, all sufferings and hardships are our own creation. If you put in mind that we are made in the Divine's likeness, we create this reality ourselves. God simply is the force, the life energy fused in us to allow us to Create.

The Divine has sent Masters (Walsch, again), and has been giving us directions, NOT instructions, to where we actually wanted to go. We are simply heading to the East when we truly desire the West. So the Masters were here showing us the direction, but not commanding. But so few listened, and worst of all, some use it for their own greed. And God the Perfect Parent will not forsake us, and will constantly send us Little Masters and messages in all forms and media throughout our daily schedule. All we have to do is to remain Aware, and the Soul/Spirit will re-cognize and re-member instantaneously the information as being pleasant and familiar to itself.

For each of us is a Member of the Body of God. The purpose for us being here is to Re-member. Nothing more. And that is Life worth the celebration.

(='.'=)
GT

i'm a cat

i'm a cat
chewing too much catnip
my left eye is the Sun
my right eye is the Moon
my head is crowned with Stars
my heart dances in the rhythm of the Universe

i'm a cat
chewing too much catnip
sailing on a barge towards the gate of dark
under my left forepaw is the frog of life
under right forepaw is the mouse of thief
my tail is entangled with wires of thorns

i'm a cat
chewing too much catnip

(='.'=)
GT

da Vince at Your Side

Imagine the great Leonardo da Vinci is sitting by your side, while you are painting a picture using Photoshop or some other graphic painting software. In the middle of your work, you decided to ask da Vinci's opinion on your unfinished work. And then, da Vinci, seeing somewhere wrong with your art piece, immediately picked up his brush and oil pigment palette, and dashed upon your very expensive computer monitor screen. Walla! How do you feel?

(='.'=)
GT

Wyrm

Yesterday morning, 6.30 am, I was about to get out of the house for school. But when I was about to open the door, there it was, a worm!!! A nasty lil thing with a black slick body, about the size of a rubber band cut into a thread, and wriggling all about when I touched it! Mom immediately told me to burn it!

"Burn the wyrm!" said the Queen Mother. "Burn the wyrm!"

And the Knight in shining armor put down his bagpack, wrapped his lance in newspaper, and lighted it up with the King's cigarette lighter. The Knight then forced the terrible slime out of the castle, across the moat, and into the open, where he will burn the monstrosity in a great pyre!

But the great wyrm proved to be a great foe. It refused to be burnt, and ran into the safety of the Forest. And the Knight followed it, while ordering his squire to bring him the lighter and tissue paper. In the shadows of the trees, he found the wyrm hiding under dead leaves. What a mistake for him for the Knight has keen eyes even in the dark. The squire brought the things asked for, and so the Knight precariously wrapped the sleeping wyrm in tissue paper. With a click, a huge pyre was set to burn, and smoke towered above the mountains!

The squire ushered the Knight to go, but he was not to go, for he knows a wyrm of this kind will not die easily. He waited till the ashes were cooled. He then poked his lance into the pile, and found parts of the wyrm were still wriggling with life!

The Knight said, "Die, you malevolent beast! Die!"

He mounted the lighter onto his lance, and clicked it. The parts burnt into oblivion. But it was time for him to go for matters of the realm awaited the important Knight. Off he went, leaving whatever that was left of the slimy black wyrm in the Forest. Later that evening, the responsible Knight returned to the burnt spot to be sure with his own eyes whether the wyrm had burnt properly. Yes, all is gone! Whatever left, has been eaten by scavengers.

Triumph to goodness! Hail righteous virtues!

willow

willow whiskers in the water
swaying and flowing
calmly and soothing
birds and insects
singing and dancing

cool and gentle breeze
my how beautiful you are
my dear Zephyr
your hands in my hair
and handsome Apollo in my face

this would be life
to me

Luplup

One of these days I ought to write down whatever there was in my mind whenever there's a moment of inspiration. Now that I remembered what I wanted to write but I've lost the 'umph', the emotions to write that idea. Hai. What a waste.

Illegal Fireworks

When I was reading the news, my first thought was that the New Year celebration should be cancelled in light of all these deaths and people in pain. The day after, the paper actually wrote that the Prime Minister had given orders to all states to cancel NY plans and fireworks permits. Kudos to the PM! Instead, he ushered all state mosques, churches, Buddhist, Hindu and Taoist temples to hold NY prayers.

One of my coursemates, a Penangite, was back home in the Island. He was fine 'coz his family lives in the southeastern section. But when the tsunami hit the Island, he could feel the whole car was shaking like mad as he was on the road with his friends.
I was relieved to hear he was okay.

A lot of my friends hadn't the mood to celebrate NY. Including me. Most of them went to churches or stayed at home. I was at home in my room with boyfriend as the midnight approached. 100,000 lives were lost and thousand millions worth of properties were gone with a single wave. With dead things lying everywhere, all kinds of deadly diseases are killing people each day. In western Sumatra, many settlements are still isolated and aid were difficult to get to them. Starving and sicken Sumatrans were actually picking grains of rice washed into mud and wastes. But I still hear illegal fireworks combusting at my neighborhood.

My prayers to all.

;-( >> GT <<